I know it's a bit long, but I just thought I should share (:
I grew up in a nonreligious family. We were that family that celebrated Christmas, but never went to church. To the mind of a child, I never thought anything of it, and that it was perfectly normal. Until in about 6th grade a friend of mine asked me what religion I practiced. I was stumped. I'd heard of Christianity and Catholicism, but I had no idea. That night I went home and asked my mother what religion we belonged to, and she told me that we were Catholic. The next day I went and told my friend, and she got all happy. She said that since we had the same religion, I could come to church with her. So her mom called my mom asking if I could and my mom said no. I asked her why, and she said that we weren't catholic. Now this, to a 6th grader, was VERY confusing. I asked her what we were again, and she responded with 'atheist' and at the time, I didn't know what that meant. I had literally never been to church a day of my life, and my family never talked about religion.
A year later, I met this girl named Carol (I am using a fake name for privacy reasons) who lived down the street and we became the BEST of friends. Eventually she told me how her dad was a pastor and ran his own church. That got us talking about religion and I told her how my family wasn't really religious, but I personally was curious. She invited me to go to church with her family one Sunday. I begged and begged my mother, and she finally agreed. So one Saturday, I spent the night at her house and went to church with her.
So just try to imagine this, a 12 year old, who had never been to church a day in her life, knew nothing about God going to a giant church. It was very scary. What made it worse, was that, the "main idea" of the day was about God's love. Everyone there was talking about how much His love had changed their lives forever. They all seemed so happy and excited. And then there was me. Sitting there in silence, not knowing what on earth they were talking about. I had never experienced God's love. I didn't even fully understand the Gospel!
So I went home that day feeling weird because I was the odd one out. Yet inspired. I talked to my friend about my feelings and she told me that a relationship with God is just like any-other. It takes time and commitment to build. But once you have it, you'll never feel so loved in your life. I knew it wouldn't happen overnight, but I knew right then and there that I wanted that relationship. I'd heard how God can change lives and I'd seen how happy having that relationship had made people.
When I got home that night, I told my mom and dad about how I felt and that I wanted to go to church every Sunday. To my surprise, they did the worst thing imaginable. They said no. They said that people go "crazy" if they get too involved in religion. I tried to change their minds, but they wouldn't hear it. They refused to let me do anything that had to do with God. That's when I realized they could stop me from going to church, but they could stop me from finding God in another way. That night I prayed that God would help me find some other way to build a relationship with him (and have every night since)
So then I came to the 'stump'. You know the, "Where do I start?" point. I tried finding bible studies online, I tried just picking up the bible and reading it, once I even tried searching "How to be a Christian" on google (mind of an 8th grader here). This "stump" lasted for about a year and a half. I kept trying to find the exact place to start, the 'right' way to find God, as if there was a proven map. Like there was some 2 month plan to become a Christian. It wasn't until middle of 9th grade that I realized, a relationship with God, is just that. A relationship. There was no way to 'study' my way into love. I realized there wasn't some magic number of verses that had to be memorized to be defined as a Christian.
Now that I had made that realization, I just prayed and prayed and prayed talking to God about everything in my life. Not necessarily asking for anything, but just talking to Him about everything. Then I started getting close to this girl in my choir class, Amber (again fake name) and she was taking about the how she watched this movie called "Passion of the Christ" and how it really opened up her eyes. I went home and watched it that night.
And I cried for hours. I was overflowed with emotions. Before this, I knew that Jesus died on the cross, but that was literally all I knew. I'd never realized the torture, pain, and everything that happened. And for once, I finally understood. I understood all that Jesus had done. It felt as though everything had fallen into place in my life. I still can't even wrap my mind around it. That was the night I invited Jesus into my heart. This was where everything turned for the better.
Come 10th grade, I called up one of my friends telling here how I was trying to build a relationship with Christ, but couldn't go to church, and I didn't know what to do next. She said she would love to help, and that everything will work out soon. The next day during off hour, she sat me down at a table in the library handing me a bible. She remembered how I had told her once that I didn't understand my bible, so she got me the New Living Translation hoping it would help me understand better. And wow it did.
From then on, every other day, her and I did our own little bible study in the library. Soon enough, my best friend Carol came to join us and another girl, who we barely knew at first, but became close with. Now there were four of us, praying together, and talking about God's love and how He has changed our lives, and our problems in life. This is where I really felt God changing my life. I finally felt His love. The loved that everyone had always told me was so great, I finally had in my life. Since then, I've helped in these online video chat bible studies every week.
My walk with Jesus has just begun, and I know it won't always be a stroll in the park, but I'm ready for where ever he wants to take me (:
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